The word “meatloaf” often seems like the punchline to a joke. The word “pizza,” not so much. But if you mash them together into “meatloaf pizza,” it’s more confusing than anything. And yes, it actually happened. I did it and accept full responsibility. But there was an actual chef involved, and he didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. (Though he won’t return my calls.)
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Several friends have recently sent me the new Yelp list of “Top 100 Pizza Spots according to Yelp Elites 2024.” (This is NOT a complaint. Keep sending me lists and articles. I love them.) After a cursory perusal of that list, I once again find myself thinking that a list like this is almost meaningless for most people. “Hey! Here are 100 joints across the 3.5-million square miles of the United States, most of which you’ll never get to try! Massive FOMO for you, my friend!” There’s no regional context to this list. It's nationwide. There’s no context relating to style of pizza. And there’s no clear authority related to the people who are making the judgments. Thank you all for rising to the challenge of “Pizza Toppings You’ll Hate Until You Try Them.” A couple of your suggestions made me laugh. Nobody elicited a gag reflex—which is both reassuring and appreciated. And the bad-idea pizza toppings were thoughtful and delightful. For my favorite reply, we have a tie. And contrary to my “fried grasshoppers on pizza” suggestion, neither of these pizzas involve insects. Fave #1 is from Paul, a technically-minded gent in Southern California. He lives within easy reach of a legendary pizzeria and brewpub in Solana Beach called Pizza Port. (The place is special. It has a natural-wood/chalkboard-menu/SoCal-hippie-surfer vibe that makes you say, “I don’t care what that pizza tastes like as long as I can eat it in here.”) The pizza topping that Mr. Paul believes doesn’t belong on pizza is… We’re going to get to the fried grasshoppers on pizza in a minute. (I was eating the fried grasshoppers from a galvanized bucket on the street in Cholula Puebla, Mexico. ¡Hola, food-safety standards!) Earlier this week, I was having an unusual conflict on social media. I’d posted about a delightful mango. A proud Cuban-American warned me away from putting the mango on pizza, as it would be an insult to the mango. Getting ready to make that first pizza can be daunting. So can making the second, the third—heck, it’s pizza anxiety and it can be debilitating. I’ve known people who can’t start any new kitchen project with a process because they’re freaked out by the possibility of making mistakes. And pizza is one of those kitchen projects with a process that inspires with fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of handling dough. Fear of ending up with a freeform calzone. How can you mitigate the fear? To some degree, it’s merely about preparing well and then just making it so. Right now, there’s a loaf of rye bread cooling in my kitchen. You know how many times I’ve made rye bread? |
AuthorBlaine Parker is the award-winning author of the bestselling, unusual and amusing how-to pizza book, Free The Pizza. Also known as The Pizza Geek and "Hey, Pizza Man!", Blaine is fanatical about the idea that true, pro-quality pizza can be made at home. His home. Your home. Anyone's home. After 20 years of honing his craft and making pizza in standard consumer ovens across the nation, he's sharing what he's learned with home cooks like you. Are you ready to pizza? Archives
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