 This is the Elusive Butterfly of pizza stories that has it all. There’s an anonymous pizzaiolo, a hard-to-find location, an LA Times #1 rating, and that fabled west-coast snow leopard of pizza: a legit New Jersey slice in the City Of Angels, a trendy, tinselized town where a decent pizza fears to tread.
(I lived in Los Angeles for about two decades, and it was the land of pizza disappointment. Everybody was still residually agog enough over celebrity chefs cranking out small pizzas dotted with smoky fish, stinky cheese and carpet tacks that they didn't really care about the crust beneath the smoky fish, stinky cheese and carpet tacks. Somebody turned that pizza model into a chain of pizza joints and the rest is global pizza history. Things are somewhat better now. But I digress.)
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 The Ongoing Modernist Pizza Review, Volume 2, Chapter 9, "Cheese," Part I Modernist Pizza Written by Nathan Myhrvold and Francisco Migoya Published by The Cooking Lab; First edition, October 19, 2021 Hardcover: 1708 pages, 32.7 pounds, 13.78 x 10.24 x 15.94 inches List Price: $425.00 Amazon discount price as of 03/08/23: $294.99 Does the phrase “ooey-gooey” make you want to turn the page? Maybe it’s just me. But the Modernistas went there. It’s at the very beginning of Volume 2, Chapter 9, the chapter on Cheese.
They first acknowledge that the only cheese-less pizza most people expect is Pizza Marinara. They then say that people generally expect cheese. And finally, they reference the many advertising images of “ooey-gooey cheese.” Ack. I guess this confirms that while Mhyrvold & Migoya are science-based thinkers, they also live in the real world. Personally, I’ve tried to avoid the phrase “ooey-gooey” for my entire career as a writer. This might be the first time I’ve ever even committed it to print. That said, I have not tried to avoid cheese in any way. And this is a head-first dive into cheesy delights.  “No self-respecting Neapolitan pizzaiolo would ever do it that way.”
“Pizza sauce should NEVER be cooked!” “Use parchment paper!” Here’s a word of advice: Be wary of any advice you get from the Toxic Global Opinionsphere of PizzaNet. Why should you take my advice on that? Maybe you shouldn’t. Just because I’ve written an award-winning, #1 bestselling book on pizza making and it’s available at Amazon, it doesn’t mean I actually know anything about making pizza. (It’s true. The first two sentences of the book are, “I am not a professional chef. I don’t know what I’m talking about.”)  The Ongoing Modernist Pizza Review, Volume 2, Chapter 8, "Sauce," Part IIIModernist Pizza Written by Nathan Myhrvold and Francisco Migoya Published by The Cooking Lab; First edition, October 19, 2021 Hardcover: 1708 pages, 32.7 pounds, 13.78 x 10.24 x 15.94 inches List Price: $425.00 Amazon discount price as of 03/08/23: $294.99 Getting beyond the tomato! Yes, I know. It’s hard. For me, a non-red pizza is a challenging thing, with the occasional exception of a white clam pizza.
But there are lots of people out there who like a white pizza or a green pizza. My ever-suffering pizza-widow wife among them. So maybe this part of Modernist Pizza can bring solace and inspiration. Let the experiments begin! The Modernistas have worked up an alternative way of making béchamel. White sauces for pizza typically use flour as a thickener, “which can dilute the flavor and leave an unpleasant goopy texture in the baked pizza.” Making pizza at home with one of the single best and easiest ways to make your family say, "Wow!"2/11/2023  I was recently reminded of the power of this simple ingredient. We’d thrown a wildcard NY-pizza party for 10. If you’ve read the story about that event, you know that people’s heads exploded.
Whenever I use this ingredient, one refrain is, “I’ve never tasted pizza like this before!” A friend who’s had my pizza twice now says, “Oh, this will ruin you for any other pizza.”  The Ongoing Modernist Pizza Review, Volume 2, Chapter 8, "Sauce," Part IIModernist Pizza Written by Nathan Myhrvold and Francisco Migoya Published by The Cooking Lab; First edition, October 19, 2021 Hardcover: 1708 pages, 32.7 pounds, 13.78 x 10.24 x 15.94 inches List Price: $425.00 Amazon discount price as of 03/08/23: $294.99 Now, about those canned tomatoes. Unsurprisingly, some strains of tomato have been developed to withstand the rigors of machine picking for canning. Says Modernist Pizza, “The thicker the flesh, the fewer seeds a tomato will have, and the seeds, along the jellylike membrane that envelops the seeds (called the parenchyma), are where the flavor resides.” Yay, parenchyma!
There’s also a comprehensive discussion of how tomatoes are canned. What’s good is tomatoes bred for processing are harvested at the full-ripe stage, which is their most flavorful. Less good is that some processors adjust flavor with additives, like sugar, salt or citric acid. The Modernistas prefer tomatoes without the additives.  It’s Sunday afternoon. Why is your “Saturday Afternoon Pizza Post” coming out on a Sunday?
Because your pizza geek was overwhelmed this week. There’s also a takeaway from the result of that overwhelm that was unanticipated—and underscores the unique, otherworldly magnetism of Homemade Pizza Effect.  The Ongoing Modernist Pizza Review, Volume 2, Chapter 8, "Sauce," Part IModernist Pizza Written by Nathan Myhrvold and Francisco Migoya Published by The Cooking Lab; First edition, October 19, 2021 Hardcover: 1708 pages, 32.7 pounds, 13.78 x 10.24 x 15.94 inches List Price: $425.00 Amazon discount price as of 03/08/23: $294.99 “To many, if it doesn’t have some kind of sauce on top, it’s probably not pizza.” Thus begins the chapter of Modernist Pizza that might seem innocuous. Only after you dive in is it clear just how much the global tomato crop means to life, the universe and pizza.
The first page of Volume 2, Chapter 8, “Sauce,” sets us up for the importance of tomatoes—while simultaneously dashing any requirement for tomatoes. Sauces can be green or white, made of cream or cheese, egg, stock, or even soup. Yes, soup. And I admit, while I’ve never used soup for pizza, I have made pizzas with leftover gumbo and leftover etouffée. Soup-adjacent sauces, if you will. Seems my efforts fit right into the Modernist paradigm. (Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn and all that…) |
AuthorBlaine Parker is the award-winning author of the new, unusual and amusing how-to pizza book, Free The Pizza. Also known as The Pizza Geek and "Hey, Pizza Man!", Blaine is fanatical about the idea that true, professional-quality pizza can be made at home. His home. Your home. Anyone's home. After 20 years of honing his craft and making pizza in standard consumer ovens across the nation, he's sharing what he's learned with home cooks like you. Are you ready to pizza? Archives
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