 America, what have you done with pizza now? Of all the possible media outlets, Better Homes & Gardens is detailing your sins of Costco food-court hot dogs and pizza, and your new “hack” with which you are “obsessed.” That's right in the headline at BHG.com: "Costco Shoppers Are So Obsessed with This New Food Court Hot Dog Hack." The subhead reads, "The Costco food court is definitely a judgment-free zone." Well, Free The Pizza is not so kind a zone. Allow me to don my pizza-colored robe and bang the pepperoni gavel as I judge freely. Speaking as a longtime dabbler in pizza nonsense, it’s difficult for me to express just how disappointing all this is. America, you can do better.
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 Somebody recently asked, “Where do you get yeast, and which one is best for pizza dough?” And the first thing I thought was, Well duh. You get yeast from the air. That, of course, is not the first answer everyone else has. They will likely say, “Well duh. You get yeast from the supermarket.” Which is not untrue. And that was not a double negative. Or was it? I think, yeah. No. Whatever. And just by the way, if you’re reading this and you happen to be a mycologist or a fermentation specialist, know that I’m speaking as a layman who’s fully aware that you can tell me I’m speaking out of my pizza hole. So be it. I will publish any required corrections to my non-scientific blather, and I thank you in advance for your participation.  Please forgive the inflammatory nature of the headline and its oblique connection to making great pizza at home. The pizza in question is closer than you know. Today, I was reading a pizza magazine called (oddly) Pizza Today. The article was about the evolution of traditional American pizza styles. It included some of the usual suspects, like Detroit pizza and Philly tomato pie. There are also some styles that you’ve never heard of—and which likely haven’t even been heard of by the people who eat them all the time. See also: Ohio Valley Pizza and New England Beach Pizza.  I pay attention to the pizza cooking questions over at the Troll Haven known as Quora. People occasionally ask about pizza, I answer, and maybe win a fan or sell a copy or two of Free The Pizza! But more important? I help prevent people from making pizza at home that's so bad they’ll quit before they’ve started. If you’ve never heard of Quora, well, it’s a social site where people ask questions and impatient know-it-alls answer them with scorn and derision. And then, there’s me. I hide my scorn and derision behind a smiling façade of self-serving servitude. (Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a total ham about this homemade pizza thing.) Last week, a six-year old question popped up in my feed, and I thought, What the heck? I’ll answer it anyway. Somebody will see it. Nope. Not just somebody. Since I answered it five days ago, 17,000 people have seen it. Over 130 have upvoted it, and a couple dozen have commented. |
AuthorBlaine Parker is the award-winning author of the bestselling, unusual and amusing how-to pizza book, Free The Pizza. Also known as The Pizza Geek and "Hey, Pizza Man!", Blaine is fanatical about the idea that true, pro-quality pizza can be made at home. His home. Your home. Anyone's home. After 20 years of honing his craft and making pizza in standard consumer ovens across the nation, he's sharing what he's learned with home cooks like you. Are you ready to pizza? Archives
March 2025
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